The dilemma of a grieving child

The home is cold. The cloud hangs low and heavy. Even with the bright shine of the sun, the sweltering heat from the skies people are shivering with cold, heavy sweaters and blankets around us

The father of the home has been called back home. The illness was so short. He still had a lot to do in this world. This was not expected. God why, God why?

Where shall we begin?

Where shall we begin?

The shoe is so big for any of us to fit in

The hole father has left is so big

The home is flooded with all kinds of people. People from the church, workplace, neighbours, relations we have never met and some familiar faces. It will be like this for the next couple of days and that is it. Yes, the home will remain with just us. Everyone coming runs to the wife of the deceased, the mom, the bigger people. No one looks at the children. A few that turn that way, pinch slightly on their cheeks, rub their heads and that is it. It's a tradition of how we connect with children

The children are in mourning too. Their father is gone (not that this has been explained to them). People are wailing, crying, heaving, sniffing all around them. The children come to their mom and the older beings and they are shooed away. Children are kept away from the departed, they are not allowed to see them for the last time, not allowed to mourn them, touch them if they must, sit by them if they should, cry and lament because they finally understand death! When you try to let in the child, the community echoes the same language. Do not take that child near the dead. Stories are built around how father has gone somewhere, to sleep, name it. Children are left with great expectation that he will come back one day. Father will return one day. But the air hangs heavy for them. Deep down, they know something terrible has happened. The sadness digs in. And they are left to deal with all this on their own.

Stop in your tracks people. Stop right there. Did you know that children have similar emotions like you? They feel similar pain like you. They cry, their stomachs churn, they grieve just like you

Children require the same attention as you. Do not get lost in your grieve and leave the children to fend for themselves. Do not build hatred, isolation, pain in your child. Do not let your child build a wall around them, because chances are low you will penetrate the walls ever again. Cradle this baby of yours and mourn together. Rock together, whisper in your child's ears, reassure this child. Talk to your child during moments such as this. If both parents are off, take up the responsibility as a responsible adult

When we leave them out like this, the children not only feel neglected, but this can affect them in the future. Let love flow even during hard times

Remember children are not any different from you the adult. Always hold their hands and walk the journey together.

Through the eyes of Joanita Ayenyo