Allow us mourn

Allow us mourn as much as we can

People from my community mourn differently

The men rarely shed a tear…just a handful do

But the women!

Many wail, some wail with no tears, some roll on the ground…

A mother of the deceased ties her belly for it is said the loss of a child is felt in the womb… it hurts all over again like labour I imagine

So many other people wail, but I wonder whether they really do this from the heart (let’s keep it for another day)

I wonder whether what they exhibit is actually what’s going on inside

There is this woman who recently lost her son

She sat there in despair

Not a drop of tear on the first day

The second day she held it in until she saw the box that contained the remains of her son

Some quick drops rushed through her eyes and she blew her nose several times and went quiet again

All these two days, she sat quietly like death itself

Tears would well up but none would drop

Her eyes were red like pepper

She kept shaking her head, opening her palms like she was asking questions

Why why why?

Anything she held, she squeezed hard and twisted everything in her hand

When she looked at a direction, it was easy to tell she was only there bodily

She had traveled far

Either to the past or the future

She was hurting, hurting so bad that I believe if the tear dropped, maybe, maybe she would breathe a little

Not that the pain would go

Once a mother always a mother

It doesn’t matter whether the child survives or not

The pain will always be there once you lose a child

Motherhood does not apply to only those who carried the children in their bellies

We have mothers who have nurtured children and offered them the love they would never have received elsewhere

So as a mother mourns, we surround her and comfort her in many ways

Some people have a soft touch

Some will tell their own stories of losses 

While others will tell you how you are not the only one or the first person to lose a child

Easy said because you are not directly affected this time…

We cannot get used to death even when we see it coming

Yes I may not be the first person to lose a child neither will I be the last

But abeg! Allow me to mourn in my own way; if I want to roll over the entire compound

If I want to wail and keep the entire neighbourhood awake, please let me mourn

If I want to rock myself until my body goes limb, please allow me

Let me mourn, I won’t see my child again

I won’t feel their warmth again

I won’t see my child smile

Their voice is gone forever; all I have left is just a memory

My child is gone

Hear me well, my child is gone

Allow me mourn

That is the only way I can survive the next day

It will help me heal

I can’t hold back

Allow me mourn

It will pass

I know

Allow me mourn in my own way, that is the only way I will feel human again

Through the eyes of  AYENYO Joanita